


As Time Goes By

by Sariau



Series: Life is Like a Bowl of Cherries [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone: Balance (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, School of Magic!Swap, What if?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 15:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11694777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sariau/pseuds/Sariau
Summary: Just how much would be different if one (seven) things are changed?Like, say, how much would change if the Relics are different?Sequel toDream a Little Dream





	As Time Goes By

**Author's Note:**

> Basically shuffling some things around. A lot of stuff is going to be different in here, just because I messed with the relics. If that's what you came for, then you're in the right place!
> 
> There is a prequel, but you don't need to read it to know what's going on. It might explain some things like why the relics are different, but that's it.

It's the last job he'll ever have to take. Just one more job before he fades into obscurity and becomes some rich schmuck that never leaves his awesome castle. Just one more job.

One more job.

Taako sighs, clenching at the edge of his sleeve. It’s about the only way he allows himself to show his stress. He doesn’t let his head drop. His back stays comfortably curved on his chair, lethal and sinuous like a large cat waiting for prey to come along. The dopy smile with an indulgent curl aimed at the human that’s gabbing his long and pierced ear off.

“This is going to be so much easier with a wizard and a cleric!” The human- Magnus Burnsides, seriously, what a hard name to forget- cheers and brings his tankard of ale to his mouth. It’s his third one, and he doesn’t seem to be anywhere close to tipsy.

Then again, that shit is weak as horse piss. If their fighter is sloshed by that much, he would be very worried.

Taako shares a glance with the cleric- A Merle something or another. It is either Hightower or Highchurch, and he can’t be bothered to remember. Merle toasts him with his own drink, and willingly distracts the chatty kathy. “So, Magnus, you ever work with a wizard or cleric before?”

Magnus ducks his head, and Taako is _so_ glad their employer and his assistant or whatever turned in for the night before they saw this. “Uh…” Magnus stalls, before grinning brightly at the both of them. “No? I just figured I’d attack, and everything would solve itself?”

Taako can’t believe this. He knocks back his wine, and waves off the barmaid when she steps closer. “I’m a mid-ranged fighter. I’d say I have pretty good aim with my spells, but everything goes to shit in a fight. As long as you’re good with me doing my thing, I don’t care.”

Merle sighs, but smiles right after. Blegh, an _optimist._ “Sure, I can work with that. I’m a mix of close combat and distance fighting, but it’d be best to not die as the team’s healer, so I’ll stay out of the fighting.”

Magnus nods like everything is settled, and Taako shares a glance with Merle. Yeah, be ready to hold their own when Big Beefy Burnsides goes down to stupidity.

* * *

 Taako’s mantra of _one more job_ is the only thing that is keeping him from leaving these fuckwads behind.

They’re given a test job to make sure they’re up to snuff. Of course things go to shit before it can even start. Gildred or Gundrone- their boss and his assistant get ambushed just a few hours out from the town. So of course when Magnus finds the remains of it, he wants to go and save them. Sure. That’s not the problem. Even Merle seems to agree with that plan of action.

They track the goblin bandits to their hideout, and they find their employer and his hanger-on. Only they have to go kill the goblin’s boss to get them back. Which is suspicious as fuck, by the way. So they go make a deal with the bugbear Klaarg, and **_charm person_ ** needs to be pulled off the shelf before they make any progress. They get Gundrone and Bluejeans (named because _seriously?!?_ who wears blue jeans these days?) back with the stuff the goblins looted just in time to be outside the blast radius when the spell wears off.

Klaarg’s roar of rage is so satisfying, but terrifying at the same time.

No, the problem is when Gundrone finally leads them to the end of their little quest, the giant vault door has been blown off its hinges, and there’s nothing there. Well, there is. There’s a calling card that is faded to illegibility by time near the back of the empty vault. The magical vault of the Dwarfseeker (or whatever their name actually is) line has been looted. Or something. Gundrone is yelling with a really harsh accent, and Taako can’t make out all the words. Then the bossman leaves with Bluejeans following, the human trying to calm the dwarf down.

Well, it isn’t completely empty. Magnus finds an umbrella with a cloak wrapped around it and a boulder pinning it to the ground. It also flings him into the far wall. Taako watches with great amusement before he tries his hand at it.

“Huh. Looks like I have an umbrella now.” He says after the light show is over. The umbrella also did something to free itself from the boulder, and it is actually quite comfortable in his grip. But bossman is gonna want the umbrella if the dwarf ever figures out that the thing was down here. So he casts a quick illusion to hide it from sight, and straps it to his back.

Merle flashes him a thumbs-up when he checks to see if anyone is going to come down with loose lips, and Magnus is only just now getting up. “Did anyone get the registration number for that battlewagon?”

Taako grins, and helps the human back to the surface. “Yeah, it was F. U. K. Dash. U.”

Magnus groans. “No, they’re supposed to be numbers- oh. Ha. Ha. Very funny, Taako.”

“I try.” He demurs. Merle is following behind them. Taako can tell because he can hear the snickers from back there.

* * *

“So.” Gundrone says that night around a tavern’s table in Phandalin. “There’s still one more place to check, and I can swear that this place will be secure. We’ll get it in the morning.”

“Why not now?” Magnus asks. Bluejeans is checking over scrolls and thick books in his side of the table, and it spreads out behind him as he exchanges one book for another.

“Because we know it’s in Phandalin, but not exactly where. Barry.” Gundrone reaches out a hand, and Bluejeans puts a map in it. “It’s in the town proper, and will be ‘seen by morning light no matter the seasons.’ So it’ll be out in the open, and just be a process of elimination.” He passes the map back, and Bluejeans is already crossing out areas to shrink the search areas.

“So, what are we looking for?” Taako asks, because it would be nice to know before he fucks off to find somewhere that pays better. The thirty gold pieces in his pocket is all he has to show so far, and he got that from Klaarg.

“The last object my father was assigned to hide away before he disappeared.” Gundrone answers solemnly. It brings down the mood enough for Taako to bow out for the night.

* * *

“Taako?” Magnus smooshes the palm of his hand into his crusty eye. Taako stares at him silently by the open window with all his things packed away on his back. Magnus yawns, his eyes closing from how far his jaw drops, and the elf is gone from their shared room by the time he opens them.

Okay. That’s probably not good.

He rocks upright with his legs over the edge of the bed. Judging by the position of the moons, it’s the witching hour. Of course Taako is up this early. Or would it be considered late? The human changes out of his sleep clothes, and accidently bumps into Merle’s bed as he tries to get his boot to fit right on his foot.

The snoring stops abruptly from Merle’s bed, and the suspicious look Magnus receives reminds him of his time at Hammer and Tongs. A kid caught out of bed causing trouble. Then Merle takes in how he’s half-dressed in the clothes he was wearing the day before, and his eyes sweep over to the made bed that Taako had flopped into about four hours earlier. Where Taako is very much not.

Merle harrumphs, and joins him in gathering up his things and changing out of his jimjams without a word.

They’re out the window in three minutes.

* * *

Merle has to hold Magnus back when they find Taako. Because the elf isn’t alone.

“What, were you thinking of not including us when you divide up the loot? Bad taste.” Taako’s lilting voice comes from around the corner. “Don’t take me for _that_ much of an idiot. I’m a wizard. Anything that can see sunlight can see moonlight too.”

Magnus peaks around the corner, and he can see Taako facing down Gundren and Barry. And he can see himself and Merle standing on either side of the elf? What? Is this some kind of wizard thing? He leans back to share a confused glance with Merle, but the dwarf seems to know what’s going on.

And then he hears that other him speak. “So are we going to get along, or are we gonna rumble?” If he isn’t himself, he might’ve been fooled. His voice is a bit more gravelly than that, but he has to give it to Taako- if he is the source. He would’ve totally said that if he was part of the conversation.

There’s a tense moment, and Gundren concedes with a great reluctance in his voice. “Fine.”

A mimic of Merle’s voice answers jovially. “Sweet, we’ll take this side of town, you guys can take the other half.”

“Wait.” Barry says, and the sound of footsteps stops. But Taako and those copies are close enough to pass the corner Magnus and Merle are hiding behind. Magnus can’t see Taako’s face under the shadow of his large hat, but he’s pretty sure the wizard is grinning gleefully. “You three don’t work together nearly that well.”

“Too true!” Taako chirps, and the copies evaporate into nothing. “I overheard you two plotting earlier- elf ears are _so_ useful. So I figured, why not stall you until my backup comes?” Taako turns to them, and yeah. He’s grinning. “What took you so long?”

“Don’t blame me!” Merle cries as he steps out from the cover. “Magnus had to style his sideburns!”

“Not true!” He cries as he joins his friends. “It was the traffic. Truly terrible at this hour. You would not believe how hard it was to find a place to park.”

Taako tries for a serious response, but his lips are curling up on the ends. “I’ll take your word for it Mags.”

Gundren looks like he’s about to blow a fuse, and Barry doesn’t look as confident as he did when Magnus peaked around the corner earlier. “Fine!” Gundren shouts, throwing his hands up in defeat. “You three take half the town, and we’ll take this side.” And the stumpy dwarf turns on his heel, and stomps away. Barry looks between them for half a heartbeat longer before he follows his boss.

Magnus nods to himself. Good. “Well, let’s get started!” He makes it five steps before Taako stops him.

“Hold on there, compadre.” Taako walks the other direction, waving them to follow. “Before we start searching all willy nilly, let’s try out my idea first.”

“Ah. So you already know where it is.” Merle cuts in, his stubbly legs making him take two steps for one of theirs. “Why haven’t you gotten it yet then? You could have bargained for a cut with Gundren, or just run off with it.”

Taako smiles sheepishly, and scratches at his cheek. “Would you believe me if I said that hadn’t occurred to me?”

“No.” Is Merle’s flat response.

Magnus cuts in, “What are we looking for anyway?”

Taako’s hand falls back to where it swings at his side. “Fair enough. We’re going after a statue of a hand. It’s about this big,” Taako holds his hand up for an example, “and it’s made of stone.” He pauses, and Magnus gets the feeling like Taako is admitting something he doesn’t want to share. “I do have a reason.”

“Oh?”

Before Taako can respond, someone races out ahead of them on the open street. An orc with one of the largest crossbows Magnus has ever seen swung over one shoulder. She doesn’t seem to pay them any mind.

The streets have been deserted up until this point, and it has been pretty quiet.

Now? Not so much. There is a giant spider crawling over a building, and even from this distance, Magnus can make out its empty black soulless eyes. He almost doesn’t pay the dark elf cackling on the spider’s head any mind if the guy hadn't been wearing a spider motif all over his clothes.

“Them.” Taako nods at the battle going on in front of them. “They’re fighting for something that sounds all staticky, and both of them threatened to kill me when I went for the hand. Any votes on who to side with?” Taako rolls out of the way of an errant crossbow bolt. “Preferably before we get killed.”

“Help the crossbow lady!” Magnus yells, and rushes in.

The human gets a lucky hit on the spider, his ax slipping into one of its joints, and continuing on its way like warm butter was in its way. The spider falters, almost flinging its rider off. Magnus cries out in victory. He punches the air, and grins at the crossbow lady. She’s got her hand outstretched, and he thinks at first that she’s offering a fist bump, but she’s holding something shaped like a box in her hand.

He notices no one is looking his way. They’re all staring at something further down the road, and he follows their gaze. There is a stone statue of an old dwarf making its way towards them at a fast rate, and after a certain distance, he can see that it’s cradling a hand that matches Taako’s description from earlier. Magnus retreats from the spider crew while they’re distracted having a shouting match with crossbow lady.

“You never zink! Zis is vy such terrible zings alvays happen to you!”

“So you think I should just give up one of my heavy duty attacks against you? No way! I’m not suicidal!”

“You should’ve known zis vould happen if you use zat contraption anyvere near ze M̧͈̺̣͚̤̻̼i̴̢͖͓͞d͏̳͚̬͕̻͝ͅa̶͈̘͙̦̘s͕̜̖͕̘͡͡͝'̬͙̤ ̙̞̦͉̻͚͟ͅG̸̡͙̗͖͚͉̼̜ͅl̷̼͖̣͇̪̖͓o͟҉̩͉͢v̷̲͙̞͓̞̩̫̰͙e̘͔̟̩̞͎̕ͅ.”

“Shut up, Brian!” The orc levels the crossbow at the dark elf, and fires off a shot that is intercepted by the spider’s wave of its remaining front leg.

“Is it just me,” Taako calls from _much_ farther away than he had been thirty seconds ago, “or is everything turning to stone?”

And Magnus stops paying attention to the smaller things in the scramble to outrun the- Taako called it transmutation?- and shouting warnings for the citizens of Phandalin to run as well. He knows first hand what happens if one doesn’t.

The giant spider flung the dark elf (Brian, he guesses?) off its head as the stone reached it, and the change to stone travelled up its legs to the rest of its body before Brian landed a ways away. Magnus almost felt bad for the spider, with the way Brian wailed. But that stopped too when Brian was too slow to get to his feet.

Magnus doesn't have the time to look back. “I can’t rush that!” He shouts to the others. “Does anyone have a way for me to rush that?!?”

Merle is hoisted over his shoulder. “The statue is stone! Should be fragile enough to crumble with a strike to the right place!” The dwarf shouts into his ear.  _Ow._

“That’s also my father!” Gundren shouts from under Barry’s arm. Good to know they haven’t died yet.

“That’s Cyrus? Man, he’s really...  _rocking_ it!” Gundren starts spewing vitriol. Barry makes the smart decision to split away from the source of his employer’s fury. The two take a sudden turn off the main road, and disappear from sight.

“Not the time, Merle!” Taako admonishes from ahead. “But good one-liner! Anyways, how are we going to get close enough? Touch that stuff, and you’re dead!”

“Don’t care! Just smash it, right?” Magnus yells, dumping Merle with crossbow lady, grabbing a pipe that hasn’t turned yet, and launches himself back at the dwarf statue. It’s easier than he thought it would be, since all he has to do is jump up as high as he can; the statue is coming his way, no need to jump backwards! There’s a yelp behind him, and some rushed chanting, but he’s a bit busy at the moment.

He swings down with all his might, breaking the pipe as it comes down on the junction of the dwarf’s neck and shoulder. The statue starts crumbling, falling apart, and Magnus is quick to let go of the metal pipe that is quickly turning to stone. He goes down too, and he only has a little bit of time before he’s _out_ of time to think of something to save himself. He can’t think of anything though. There’s nothing he can jump off of, and the safe zone is too far away.

He did good, right? He saved his friends, right? He hopes he did good.

He feels his feet hit the ground, and he hadn’t readied himself to land properly, and so he goes to his knees too. He’s glad he’s facing away from his friends, because he’s not sure what his expression is. He knows enough to not want anyone to see it.

Magnus waits.

* * *

Taako sighs in relief. “Made it.” He gives himself to the count of two to slump in relief. He straightens out just a little after that- just half a second longer. Taako deserves it.

That was too close, and he doesn’t know what came over him when he looked back to see Magnus jumping _towards_ the deadly stone stuff. He started casting the first spell that came to his mind, rushing as much as one could through the incantation. Then he stopped and turned around, because this spell needed line of sight. The change was still coming at him, and he’s pretty sure Merle had been calling him all kinds of stupid, but it was now or never. He stared at the point below Magnus, and released the spell from the wand grasped tightly in his hand.

Taako glances down, and the change stopped just shy of his feet. He lets himself fall backwards, away from the change, onto his butt. That was _way_ too close.

“Mags!” He calls to the kneeling figure on his **_floating disk._ ** It’s making his way towards him now, and so is its cargo. Magnus jumps, and looks over his shoulder. Taako doesn’t know Magnus that well, but he knows that face-shape isn’t good. The sight wrenches something in his gut, and he has to do something to change that. Stat. “Maggie, don’t move too much, okay? And don’t touch the hand next to you, okay?”

Taako watches Magnus look over to his side, then quickly scurry to give most of the floating disk of force to the hand statue. “I can do that!”

Merle and orc come back, and Taako looks around to see they’re almost to the city limits. Shit, that would be a lot of people dead then. Merle distracts him with a smack to the head.

“Don’t you two ever do something like that again!” Taako gets up, and leads the disk over to safer grounds. Relatively safer grounds, Taako internally corrects himself as he watches Merle do torture to Magnus’ shins. “Haela forbid you two end up with something I can’t reverse!”

“Haela?” Magnus cocks his head like a dog, and the human peers up at the night sky. “Does that make you one of her blood _maidens?”_

From his new position, Taako can see Merle’s eyes narrow. “Yup. That’s me. And you look like you don’t need any healing for the time being.”

Note to Taako: do not dis Merle’s religious stuff.

Magnus splutters, falling off the **_floating disk_ ** as he tries to reach the dwarf. “C’mon Merle, you know I’m not making fun of you, right?”

Merle scoffs. “I’m not burning a spell slot to heal your skinned knees, Magnus.” He turns to the orc that followed him over. “But I wouldn’t mind healing you up in exchange for some information.”

What follows is a bunch of staticky nonsense. It eventually leads to Taako approaching the hand statue in boredom, and then stopping when he hears a smooth voice in his head. _“If you use me, you can have anything you want. Gems, gold, food, you name it, and I’ll deliver.”_

Taako sends an unimpressed look at the hand statue. “Guys, the hand is talking to me. I’m gonna take a wild guess and _not_ do what it wants me to do.”

“Probably in your best interest. I’d have to kill you if you did.” Killian, the orc, says as she lowers her crossbow, but doesn’t put it away.

“Right. So can I pick it up now?” It’s been long enough for Bluejeans and Gundrone to have shown up like cockroaches, and them not appearing doesn’t look good. “You know, without you shooting at me.” Taako looks pointedly at Killian’s weapon.

“You’re all resisting the Ŗ̯̭̼͍̘͙̳̦e̴̮̮̲͡l̝͇͘i͔͕̲͘͠c̪͉̠̹̦̤̰̹͘͢ͅ'̣͍͓̙̹̜̪ͅs̴̛͔̭̟̼͔̙͕͠ thrawl, so you should be good.” Ugh. More static stuff.

Taako grabs the hand, and stuffs it into his bag.

Nothing interesting happens- actually that is a lie. There’s a rumble a little ways away, and Taako turns with the others to see the transmuted stone shift and fall flat. He can see to the other side of town over the smooth stone. He can see just how much damage the thing in his bag had inflicted.

_Woof._

Killian does something with the metal bracer on her arm, and then there is something crashing into the ground where she had pointed at just before. _Okaaaayyy?_ This is getting weird.

“Come on.” Killian calls, halfway inside the sphere. “You can get your answers where I’m going.”

Yeah, Taako ain’t no fool. Except he used up his last spell slot saving Maggie’s bacon. Damn. No **_detect magic_ ** for him then.

He shrugs, raising an eyebrow at Merle and Magnus. They don’t seem to have any problem with it. In fact, Magnus rushes in, and Merle follows after. Taako rolls his eyes. He can see a pattern forming here. He gets in, strapping himself into the chair.

“You’re going to like this.” Killian says. A balloon expands from the top compartment, and the sphere lifts up to the moon.

No. Not the moon. A facade of a moon. And there’s a bunch hidden on the other side of the facade.

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think?
> 
> I've got a tumblr! Come bug me over [there](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sariau-write)!


End file.
